(Orig. published April 7, 2020)
We are bringing very sad news. Lenny Pozner and his business associates have been sidelined into oblivion due to a global crisis. Lenny’s former bosses no longer find his skills useful, and even invented a more lucrative scheme for moneymaking, namely scaring people to death and emptying the streets.
We out here in the tin foil trenches wish to give the man a proper farewell and postface.
Lenny’s lucrative industry took a serious downturn when hoaxes of the old and true kind were reduced to a trickle. Reliable sources whisper about permanent shelving.
The ever enterprising Lenny was seen padding his coffers by playing the accordion on street corners. A good business plan until streets became ghost towns and he was forced to give up a less than illustrious second career.
We have to give credit where credit is due. After consulting with Orlando’s own Madame Morgana and her tarot cards, Lenny embarked on yet another midlife career. The Madame advised Lenny to travel the world, see the sights, and perhaps find a cosmopolitan way of making a living.
An exuberant Lenny, despite new travel restrictions, packed his well worn bags and set off with high hopes of new riches. The man was not seen and heard from again. Not until stranded American tourists recognized his famous mug shot seen on post office walls in all fifty states and sixteen territories.
Despite clever attempts to disguise himself, a Lenny trademark, he was spotted in foreign lands practicing his new craft as an organ grinder. Still fleeing from place to place, playing street instruments is now an extension of his previous career – playing suckers for money.
As the global situation lingers on, our street musician may have to look for yet another career in these trying times. Perhaps the mafia is hiring? Lenny already has a fitting mafia nick name, but a second one may enhance his new career within Mafioso ranks. Food is a popular nickname; chicken, burger, tuna, bagel, banana, beans, sausage and meatball are all taken. “Lenny the Grinder” has a ring to it.
Bored and stranded tourists abroad kindly submitted photos of the organ grinder in his many disguises. We are much obliged.” Period literature often represents the grinder as a gentleman of ill repute.”